yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
BRING THE BAGELS
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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