i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
