i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
