Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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