I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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