one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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