I don't think brook has ever known best
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i think i just lost a toe
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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