I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
