Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
