I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
