I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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