Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
