TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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