In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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