And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
