Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
