Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
