goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
