I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
