This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
