They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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