I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
