and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dicks are not precious.
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