Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize