my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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