You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
