She is in my trunk
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize