he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
