i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
