i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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