I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
