He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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