chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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