According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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