we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We need to get me chipped asap
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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