You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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