Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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