those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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