My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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