Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
