yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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