I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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