You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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