Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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