i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dicks are not precious.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
