threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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