I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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