Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
