why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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