If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
