Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
