he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
