So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
