I bet he comes in French.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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