OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
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My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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