apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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