I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
