It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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