Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
